What's the most valuable lesson you've learned in life, and how has it impacted your journey so far?

But Tess! I mean Betty! I mean Veronica! (I can never remember who is who) which ever one you are, I love you!

Shameless vixen! Trollop!

At least until the peyote kicks in ...

Why do our deceased do not protect us from other bad spirits?

Two letters of transit signed by General De Gaulle … Stimpy, you eediot!

Perhaps now we can explore what being a “gal pal” really means.

¡Explotando Dick por todos lados!

Sometime ago, the Iranian Minister said that a US Navy aircraft carrier would be an easy target for 300 speed boats armed with Katyusha rocket launchers. Is this true?

Marijuana makes Jesus cry!

Ironically, Wertham focused on stories about crime, singling out Batman and Robin for its gay subtext and Dick Tracy for its violence.

Tess' boyfriend, Ed, now works as a Peter Lorre impersonator.

Do flat Earthers really exist? Why do they believe the Earth is flat?

Torchy thinks: Maybe I could play a gangster's moll since apparently smoking is still seen as wholesome and American.

TEXT:

“Your boyfriend is a total perv, mommy.”

My marriage is fixed. My future husband repeatedly calls me to meet me in private and pressure me to have a relationship. What should I do?

I hear you're a stunt-double now for Fred in Scooby-Doo.

Let's do what we always do, lay around half-naked while men make terrible jokes at our expense.

Sex! Lingerie! Knock knock jokes!

Can you share some of your favorite jokes that are not well-known but always make people laugh?

Just you, me, in a vat of lime jello, pulling hair, calling each other names …

Dick! I heard about the lay-off. What's a square-jaw crime fighter doing these days to bring in the bling?

Gadzooks! It's Torchy Todd slumming it in Yugoslavian science fiction! The shame!

How do flat Earthers explain the existence of other spherical planets?

In order to answer this I came up with a little story that goes like this …

Times might be tough … But at least there's one thing we all agree on.

Only zombies dig to rock and roll, daddy-O!

Why do atheists always argue about the existence of suffering in the world as meaning God doesn't exist when it doesn't prove anything?

Torchy, we're unemployed … And no one is hiring scantily-clad wastrels these days.

Speaking of which, poor Cleo Coco has ended up appearing in anti-vice pamphlets.

And then working as Betty and Veronica's body doubles ...

Is it okay or problematic to be both Black and gay in society in the 21st century?

Remember, kids, masturbation will make you see the devil everywhere!

Of all the layoffs, Torchy Todd and her gal pal, Tess Parker, were hit the hardest.

And I ended up moonlighting in Japanese porn, but the less said about that the better.

What is your young sex story?

Yes, Tess, crime doesn't pay but apparently Rated-G horror does.

I've also been making ends meet ... By appearing in Tijuana splatter comics as Evil Gringo #2.

In 1954 complete bastard and censorship campaigner Fredric Wertham published a book for the stated goal of creating a moral panic around comic book's alleged impact on juvenile delinquency. Much like the House Committee on Un-American Activities' disastrous impact on the film industry, the Comics Code Authority (obey, puny humans) put many hardworking comic book characters out of work all because of one poorly written book called …

I told my 13-year-old daughter that she should never start a fight, but has my permission to end it. She got suspended for ending a fight that some other girl picked with her by hitting her then retreating. How do I handle the school’s response?

Every day is a good day to punch a Nazi! I mean MAGA! I mean the Comics Code Authority! (I can never remember who is who)

Make Nazis afraid again!

After you lather me up with that strawberry hand lotion.

Before there was MAGA there was … the Comics Code Authority